Written by Neshni Naidoo
I dove into the sea fully clothed, hoping the icy saltwater would strip the pain from my soul.
Tears streamed down my face and merged with the ocean.
I wanted to be swept away – far away from the toxic environment that was my home.
Nothing I did was right – nothing I did was good. Sometimes it felt as if I did not exist and at other times like I was a punching bag on which THEY could take out their frustration.
I didn’t ask to be born but I could choose to leave – leave this life, leave this pain.
Their words were etched in my mind.
“You are useless. You’ve been a problem child since the day you were born. You sit around doing nothing yet you want everything from me.
I’m tired of giving and giving. I’m tired of you and your stubbornness. When are you going to change?
Explain to me why are you like this? Do you want to be a failure? That is what will happen if you continue to behave in this way.”
But I can’t leave. So I absorb the insults and numb myself until I CAN leave.
Love and light